Joseph Stephen

I had this sense most of my pregnancy that this baby boy I dreamt of would arrive on his due date.
And boy, he did not disappoint!

(Took this the night before he was born... thinking he'll be joining us soon)

(Last picture of me pregnant, with Joe still in my tummy... I was so swollen)

My brother Bill, sister in law Mona & their two girls flew into Saskatoon from Vancouver a few days before Joseph was born. They have flown down after each birth so far to meet our babies & to get those awesome newborn snuggles in, but this time I was hoping for something even more special.

I always felt that if I were giving birth to my babies in BC that I would want my sisters there since my mom couldn't be. But living here in Saskatoon, that makes things challenging. Knowing now that I've given birth typically right around my due date I wanted to see if Bill & Mona wanted to fly down around my due date in hopes that Mona could also be present at the birth... then they would also get to enjoy the freshest of newborn snuggles! (Who doesn't love that?)

Mona has always been a peaceful, deep & thoughtfully generous woman in my life, ever since I've known her. I knew she would be an exceptional support during labour & I'm so thankful they were able to be here. They paused their life at home for 10 days to be with us, supporting us & taking care of us. Thankfully baby boy came right on his due date, so we had time before his arrival & after for visiting & everything. I felt so surrounded by love during those 10 days. Mona (and Bill) fed both our families during that time while also prepping meals, teas & broths for me to help before & after the birth.

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On December 30th, there were signs & little things telling me that things could happen that night, so when Bill, Mona & their girls left that evening I told Mona to be prepared for a text later in the night telling her to come back to our place. We let Jonathan's dad know that he may need to come & get our girls that evening as well. We went to bed around 9/10? I don't really remember to be honest and sure enough right around 1AM, I woke up with a strong contraction. Went to the washroom & then fell back asleep only to be woken maybe 20 minutes later with another strong contraction. I woke Jonathan & told him this is it. So he got up and called his dad to come pick up the girls. I called my midwife Ros and while on the phone I was having surges... they were strong & consistent so she said she would be there in 30 minutes. (To be honest, when I heard 30 minutes, I panicked a little remembering my labour with Pippa was only ONE hour total, thinking... will she get here in time?) Thankfully - she did.

I messaged Mona & my two good friends Kelly & Carine that they should come to my house. It may seem like a lot of people, I know & it's not for everyone, but for me this was how I wanted things. Surrounded by those that mean so much to me, but also so they could help the midwives out if needed. I needed Jonathan to be present with me, holding me, helping me & not distracted by things like filling the pool, getting towels or other things, etc. I'm so glad I decided to have it this way, because when Ros arrived I realized labour was allllll in my back. It was back labour again, like I had with Olivia & at this point I needed Jonathan, to lean into him, hold his arms & to sway back & forth. The pool was filling up & Ros checked me & I was at 4 cm dilated. I tried to remember that it was just a number & that things could change quickly. Everyone arrived pretty much at the same time & I got into the pool because I knew that was the only thing that would be relieving for the back labour & my legs at this point were already tired from standing through the surges.

(I kind of love this photo. Jonathan supporting me. Basically it was like this the whole time I was in the pool. An image of our pregnant Blessed Mother. The kid's messy play kitchen behind us. A photo of my mom & dad on their wedding day. A dying plant on the shelf. A messy - beautiful life!) <3 

Labour intensified quickly & I felt very "pushy" soon. This was hard because I wasn't dilated enough to actually "push". I then got stuck for quite some time. Not able to really change positions & crying because I just wasn't feeling ready for another surge in my back. That back labour is just not cool, amiright? I figured that if I'm crying like this I must be in transition & getting close, but I was still stuck. Water still hadn't broken, & no progression. The second midwife Debbie showed up at some point as well & they had me move my hips a bit to try & move the baby's positioning & while that was so hard to do, it worked & soon after my water broke! (Hooray, but also... you know what's coming once that cushion of water is gone). Ros announced that the water was super vernixy & she hadn't seen water that vernixy before.

Soon, I was pushing! When his head was born Ros announced that there's tons of hair waving around in the water. I again, wasn't surprised because I knew this baby would have a head of dark hair. Then all of a sudden Ros said to me "catch your baby Liz!" I didn't realize that I would get to catch my baby, so it didn't register right away what she was saying. She said again, "grab your baby Liz!" So I reached down & pulled up out of the water, our sweet boy. I felt for so long like I was stuck & I didn't realize that I was at that point of catching my baby, so I was shocked but what an incredible moment in my life... I got to catch my baby boy & bring him up out of the water into my arms. It was a beautiful surprise as well because I didn't think I would get to catch my baby! I held him briefly, then showed Jonathan so he could see what we had. I knew it was my Joseph from my dream, but Jonathan got to check & see that yes, indeed, it was our son. Putting him back on my chest, the tears came. After three hours of back labour, our son Joseph Stephen arrived in the waters on his due date: December 31st, 2019 at 4:19AM. He was my smallest baby but not by much. 8 lbs, 5.5 oz & 20ish inches long. 

And ALL the dark fuzzy hair. He was so fuzzy.

After some time holding him & delivering the placenta, I handed him to Jonathan & got out of the pool to dry off & get into bed. After getting all checked & sorted out, I got to try nursing him & he started to nurse as if he had been nursing for the past 9 months. We couldn't believe how perfect he truly was. We officially decided he was for sure our Joseph Stephen & after nursing, Jonathan got some more skin to skin while I got to go shower. We all visited for some time, while the midwives tidied, did their paper work, did measurements & checked over the placenta. Ros discovered that the placenta was actually in the shape of a HEART which she also had never seen that before... so incredible.

After more time passed, the midwives left us to be alone with our son & Kelly & Carine left as well. Mona stayed up for sometime doing her magic in the Kitchen then she napped downstairs. The next day, our girls came back with their papa & got to meet their baby brother. I've never seen them smile so much, especially Olivia. She was SO proud to have her baby brother. My brother came by shortly after with his girls & they got to meet Joe as well. Mona during this time got some baby snuggles also while also prepping so much beautiful nourishing food & tea for me.
I felt like my mom was hugging me this whole time.

Words don't adequately describe how grateful I am for the support I've received but especially for a beautiful home water birth with no issues, for incredible midwives & for my family, especially for Mona & Bill. Each time I reflect on his birth I am brought to tears & I'm not sure that will change anytime soon. I'm eternally grateful for this joyful moment in my life where God gave me the gift of a THIRD baby earth side & a beautiful, safe & memorable home birth. Such a gift that I will always remember.
Our New Years Eve's will now always hold so much more joy than ever before.

Joseph Stephen Roth
12-31-19
8lbs 5.5 oz

Joseph Stephen - The boy of my dreams

Joseph Stephen

- boy of my dreams -

It all started around this time last year. In short I was not well. I was suffering from anxiety & panic attacks. Depression was lifting but still there. It took everything to get out of bed each morning. Sudden weight gain & just complete adrenal fatigue was my existence for most of that year. I was very much in a dark place. Also dreading turning 30, wishing I felt like me. Feeling like I failed at so many things because I wasn't where I thought I would be.

My sweet, generous husband was just starting Exodus 90 (an intense but fruitful spiritual exercise for men) & before he started he told me he was offering up his whole Exodus 90 for me & my health. Tears flowing as I write this, because I don't know what I did to ever deserve this incredible man. Throughout those 90 days, he fasted, prayed & sacrificed for me. He stayed up at night praying over me as I would have anxiety attacks & would put SAINT JOSEPH oil on my back as we waited for the attack to go away.

As we went through the 90 days, I was slowly feeling more & more like myself, but still felt like I was in a dark place. Still having attacks. Then one night, God gave me a gift. He gave me this dream & I will remember it forever. I know dreams don't always mean something, but I know this dream meant something. God was showing me the hope that was to come that I could hold onto & the gift of a baby boy that would bring ME new life.

I dreamt I was in labour, about to give birth. The midwife wasn't there yet because I hadn't called yet & Jonathan was on his way. I was in an empty bathtub & there with me beside the bathtub, was my MOM. I felt very calm because my mom was there. I soon gave birth & my mom caught the baby. A perfect, perfect baby.

As I was staring at this sweet light from Heaven, my mom says:

"Liz! It's your boy!"

To which I replied:

"I have a boy?! It's my Joseph!"

(He looked like this in my dream - minus the pjs)

His skin, face & everything about him just looked completely perfect & I remember waking up FEELING like I knew him & crying. I will remember his face in my dream always. His skin was like his dad's & he had tons of dark hair like Olivia did. We had always been talking about when we might try to have another baby, but because of my health I had been saying all this time that ideally, I needed more time, maybe in the fall.

As my birthday started approaching, the fog was truly lifting & I was starting to feel even more like me. Then my BFF decided to fly to Saskatoon & surprise me for a 30th birthday weekend celebration. All my friends (& hubby!) were in on it & I'm crying again as I type this. I didn't know what to think when I saw Abbey show up at my house! It was such a healing weekend for me. I had been so wrapped up in my own sufferings & feeling so low about who I was, feeling alone because people couldn't SEE my struggle. Other old wounds were brought to the surface & this weekend with my friends brought forth truth & healing into those dark parts of me.

Shortly after that weekend, Jonathan & I had discussed some more about how much better I was doing & that if we did get pregnant now it wouldn't be ideal just yet, but that we were open to it. And because of that surprise weekend, it did some fun things with my cycle.
(#NFP - if you know, you know).

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Well, God gave me another dream the day before Easter Weekend. I dreamt that I woke up & took a positive pregnancy test. So, of course I woke up early that morning (HOLY THURSDAY) & figured I should go ahead & take one... sure enough. Two lines! 

(The line is faint but there!)

Complete joy took over, but also shock! It was a miracle & sort of surprise because I had needed progesterone to get pregnant both times before & this time, when I didn't even feel my healthiest, I got pregnant, without progesterone! I knew then that my dream would become reality & that God was going to take care of everything. He had given me this gift of KNOWING who I was carrying in my womb. The gift of seeing his perfect beautiful face & that dream carried me through. Anytime I started to worry, I just remembered the boy of my dreams & I was reassured.

God is in the details.

- Birth Story to come in another post -

Philippa Joy

Philippa Joy - July 18th, 2017

Well, we've hit the 1 year mark! Pippa is 12 months old today & I don't really know how this year went by so dang fast. Well, I know why... but I'm sitting wondering "what on earth did I even do this year?" But, that's for another blog post. Today I'm sharing Pippa's speedy birth story! So, if birth stories make you cringe, then you I would recommend exiting out at this point in time. This is a birth story!

I can't believe it's taken me a full year to write down her birth story, but alas... here we are. Let's get started.

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On the Sunday, July 16th we went to Mass that morning like usual. It was such a good Mass & Father was talking about giving our struggles to God & at this point in my pregnancy I was very ready to meet baby. I really felt & thought I would have already have given birth by then. Although, I wasn't overdue, I knew baby was really low & it would happen any moment. So that Mass, I finally let go of my fears & just surrendered it all to the Lord. I asked for the graces I needed for labour, but most especially that he take away all my anxiety & fear about labour. (While Olivia's birth was incredible, it was 12 intense hours of non stop back labour). I was fearful of having back labour again & fearful of the pain. I knew I needed to go into labour without that fear looming over me so that was my prayer.

Later that day, we went swimming at the outdoor pool since, it was so hot & for me the water is very comforting. Also, it was about the only activity that I could do without pain at that point in time. Talking with some friends at the pool, I remember saying I just felt like... soon it'll happen.

Monday, July 17th at 39 weeks 5 days, I woke up with contractions. Jonathan went to work & I felt AMAZING. Total opposite of Olivia's labour. I got cleaning done, baking done, laundry done... I even cleaned windows. Who was I? I had so much energy - more energy than I had in months. I could tell they were real contractions since I had to pause here & there to breathe through them, but they weren't even too bad which sounds crazy as I type that out. I had my father in law come & pick up Olivia for the afternoon so I could try & rest. But I just laid there timing contractions. 5 minutes apart. 10 minutes apart. 4 minutes apart. 20 minutes apart. They were all about 1 minute long, but not consistently 4-5 minutes apart.

I started to not feel super great come supper time, so I had some fruit. We got some more stuff prepared for baby in case things would happen quickly. I didn't call my midwife yet since I had been feeling so well & since the contractions weren't consistent I figured I would wait. Jonathan prayed our rosary before bed while I timed contractions... they seemed to calm down a bit but were still more noticeable at this time. I decided I would call the midwives in the morning if nothing progressed throughout the night. After praying I said to Jonathan "Maybe I should put some towels under my side of the bed incase my water breaks tonight." He replied "I'm sure it'll be fine, it doesn't seem like it'll break tonight."


Not even 1 minute goes by after he said that & pop! My water broke!!!!!


I rushed to the washroom, while he rushed to call his dad to come pick up Olivia. NOW the contractions were coming & they were INTENSE. We called the midwife to come & I'm pretty sure my father inlaw made it to our house in about 5 minutes. I said goodbye & hugged Olivia & was swaying in our bedroom with the contractions. I got out the exercise ball, turned of all the lights, put in my headphones to start listening to the hypno-birthing meditations. I know it sounds crazy, but that booked helped me so much!

I didn't get 2 minutes in & I already had to be standing, swaying & breathing very loudly through the contractions. At this time I texted my friend Kelly & Jonathan's cousin Carine that "my water broke & they could come anytime now." So ominous! I should have just told them to "come now!" I wanted them to be there for the birth, but my text implied they had time. I'm not sure what I was thinking. I sent some quick texts to family saying my water broke & that I would try & keep them posted, but I couldn't. The contractions were so intense. Thankfully, the midwife arrived in probably 10 minutes & she was helping me through them. She was exactly what I needed. So calming & reassuring. After being there for about 5 minutes, she told Jonathan to stop setting up the birthing pool. There wouldn't be time. I was having this baby in our bedroom!

She finally was able to check me in between contractions & I was only at 6cm dilated. I felt discouraged but tried to remember that it was just a number. Not long after she checked me I started getting super uncomfortable & felt the urge to push. When Ros (our main midwife) arrived I was whining and saying that I was just at 6cm only 5 minutes ago & now I need to push. Ros checked me again & I was at 10cm!!!!!! She said "go for it!" Once I started to push, Kelly arrived & was shocked that the baby was already being born! She arrived just in time.

I have to say, reading that hypno-birthing book really helped me understand contractions (surges) better & also how to "push" more effectively. A couple pushes in, baby's head was almost born. I had to slow down so she wouldn't come out too fast, so Ros asked me to "breathe her down". Then magically, I breathed her head out, took another couple of pauses, waited for another contraction & then she was born!

She was a very sleepy newborn & refused to open her eyes for anything.

Jonathan was able to announce "it's a girl!" (I knew it would be, I just had that feeling like I did with Olivia). I got to hold her on my chest right away & we just laid there in disbelief that she was here so quickly. My water broke at around 11pm & she was born around 12:30am, July 18th! An hour & a half of labour!!!!

Ros asked me if I had any guesses as to how much she weighed. This whole pregnancy I thought for sure she would be smaller than Olivia (8lb, 6oz) so I said maybe 8lb, 3oz. So wrong! Ros said "there's no way she's under 9lb! She's delievered many babies, so I knew she was right, but also was still in disbelief that I birthed a 9lb, 3 oz baby so quickly! Shortly after that, Carine arrived in total shock that she missed the whole thing!! Next time Carine ;)

My body was in shock though I think from the labour happening so fast. I knew it would likely be quicker this time around, but I didn't expect it to be that quick. I was shaking uncontrollably & cramping so we decided a warm shower would be best & it helped so much. I can't believe I didn't bother showering after Olivia's birth! It was amazing & helped me calm down a lot. I got into bed & the chaos of birth was already all cleaned up & our bed was ready for me to lay beside our girl & try nursing. It was incredible... she latched on right away & we decided officially her name would be Philippa Joy Roth.

(About 1 hour old here)

Jonathan holding her for the first time while I showered.

Kelly & Carine were so amazing to have present with us. They took photos, helped me, helped clean & of course got some baby snuggles too. It was truly beautiful sharing these raw moments with these women. Of course I forgot to get pictures with the midwives, but perhaps next baby I'll remember.

Kelly with Pippa

Carine with Pippa

We love you Pip!

Philippa (Pippa) is named after Saint Philippa Mareri. Joy (Joy/Joyce is the english version of Jucunda) is after Saint Jucunda. Not much is known about Saint Jucunda but I knew her middle name had to be Joy. When we found out we were expecting baby number two, it brought us so much joy, at a very dark time in our lives & she truly is the most joyful little soul!

Olivia loved meeting her new baby sis!

Our little Philippa has been such a beautiful blessing to us & we are so grateful we've been given the task of raising her. She blended into our family as if she was always there & as if I always knew her even before I met her.
We are so in love!

- Liz