Joseph Stephen - The boy of my dreams

Joseph Stephen

- boy of my dreams -

It all started around this time last year. In short I was not well. I was suffering from anxiety & panic attacks. Depression was lifting but still there. It took everything to get out of bed each morning. Sudden weight gain & just complete adrenal fatigue was my existence for most of that year. I was very much in a dark place. Also dreading turning 30, wishing I felt like me. Feeling like I failed at so many things because I wasn't where I thought I would be.

My sweet, generous husband was just starting Exodus 90 (an intense but fruitful spiritual exercise for men) & before he started he told me he was offering up his whole Exodus 90 for me & my health. Tears flowing as I write this, because I don't know what I did to ever deserve this incredible man. Throughout those 90 days, he fasted, prayed & sacrificed for me. He stayed up at night praying over me as I would have anxiety attacks & would put SAINT JOSEPH oil on my back as we waited for the attack to go away.

As we went through the 90 days, I was slowly feeling more & more like myself, but still felt like I was in a dark place. Still having attacks. Then one night, God gave me a gift. He gave me this dream & I will remember it forever. I know dreams don't always mean something, but I know this dream meant something. God was showing me the hope that was to come that I could hold onto & the gift of a baby boy that would bring ME new life.

I dreamt I was in labour, about to give birth. The midwife wasn't there yet because I hadn't called yet & Jonathan was on his way. I was in an empty bathtub & there with me beside the bathtub, was my MOM. I felt very calm because my mom was there. I soon gave birth & my mom caught the baby. A perfect, perfect baby.

As I was staring at this sweet light from Heaven, my mom says:

"Liz! It's your boy!"

To which I replied:

"I have a boy?! It's my Joseph!"

(He looked like this in my dream - minus the pjs)

His skin, face & everything about him just looked completely perfect & I remember waking up FEELING like I knew him & crying. I will remember his face in my dream always. His skin was like his dad's & he had tons of dark hair like Olivia did. We had always been talking about when we might try to have another baby, but because of my health I had been saying all this time that ideally, I needed more time, maybe in the fall.

As my birthday started approaching, the fog was truly lifting & I was starting to feel even more like me. Then my BFF decided to fly to Saskatoon & surprise me for a 30th birthday weekend celebration. All my friends (& hubby!) were in on it & I'm crying again as I type this. I didn't know what to think when I saw Abbey show up at my house! It was such a healing weekend for me. I had been so wrapped up in my own sufferings & feeling so low about who I was, feeling alone because people couldn't SEE my struggle. Other old wounds were brought to the surface & this weekend with my friends brought forth truth & healing into those dark parts of me.

Shortly after that weekend, Jonathan & I had discussed some more about how much better I was doing & that if we did get pregnant now it wouldn't be ideal just yet, but that we were open to it. And because of that surprise weekend, it did some fun things with my cycle.
(#NFP - if you know, you know).

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Well, God gave me another dream the day before Easter Weekend. I dreamt that I woke up & took a positive pregnancy test. So, of course I woke up early that morning (HOLY THURSDAY) & figured I should go ahead & take one... sure enough. Two lines! 

(The line is faint but there!)

Complete joy took over, but also shock! It was a miracle & sort of surprise because I had needed progesterone to get pregnant both times before & this time, when I didn't even feel my healthiest, I got pregnant, without progesterone! I knew then that my dream would become reality & that God was going to take care of everything. He had given me this gift of KNOWING who I was carrying in my womb. The gift of seeing his perfect beautiful face & that dream carried me through. Anytime I started to worry, I just remembered the boy of my dreams & I was reassured.

God is in the details.

- Birth Story to come in another post -