Joseph Stephen

I had this sense most of my pregnancy that this baby boy I dreamt of would arrive on his due date.
And boy, he did not disappoint!

(Took this the night before he was born... thinking he'll be joining us soon)

(Last picture of me pregnant, with Joe still in my tummy... I was so swollen)

My brother Bill, sister in law Mona & their two girls flew into Saskatoon from Vancouver a few days before Joseph was born. They have flown down after each birth so far to meet our babies & to get those awesome newborn snuggles in, but this time I was hoping for something even more special.

I always felt that if I were giving birth to my babies in BC that I would want my sisters there since my mom couldn't be. But living here in Saskatoon, that makes things challenging. Knowing now that I've given birth typically right around my due date I wanted to see if Bill & Mona wanted to fly down around my due date in hopes that Mona could also be present at the birth... then they would also get to enjoy the freshest of newborn snuggles! (Who doesn't love that?)

Mona has always been a peaceful, deep & thoughtfully generous woman in my life, ever since I've known her. I knew she would be an exceptional support during labour & I'm so thankful they were able to be here. They paused their life at home for 10 days to be with us, supporting us & taking care of us. Thankfully baby boy came right on his due date, so we had time before his arrival & after for visiting & everything. I felt so surrounded by love during those 10 days. Mona (and Bill) fed both our families during that time while also prepping meals, teas & broths for me to help before & after the birth.

---

On December 30th, there were signs & little things telling me that things could happen that night, so when Bill, Mona & their girls left that evening I told Mona to be prepared for a text later in the night telling her to come back to our place. We let Jonathan's dad know that he may need to come & get our girls that evening as well. We went to bed around 9/10? I don't really remember to be honest and sure enough right around 1AM, I woke up with a strong contraction. Went to the washroom & then fell back asleep only to be woken maybe 20 minutes later with another strong contraction. I woke Jonathan & told him this is it. So he got up and called his dad to come pick up the girls. I called my midwife Ros and while on the phone I was having surges... they were strong & consistent so she said she would be there in 30 minutes. (To be honest, when I heard 30 minutes, I panicked a little remembering my labour with Pippa was only ONE hour total, thinking... will she get here in time?) Thankfully - she did.

I messaged Mona & my two good friends Kelly & Carine that they should come to my house. It may seem like a lot of people, I know & it's not for everyone, but for me this was how I wanted things. Surrounded by those that mean so much to me, but also so they could help the midwives out if needed. I needed Jonathan to be present with me, holding me, helping me & not distracted by things like filling the pool, getting towels or other things, etc. I'm so glad I decided to have it this way, because when Ros arrived I realized labour was allllll in my back. It was back labour again, like I had with Olivia & at this point I needed Jonathan, to lean into him, hold his arms & to sway back & forth. The pool was filling up & Ros checked me & I was at 4 cm dilated. I tried to remember that it was just a number & that things could change quickly. Everyone arrived pretty much at the same time & I got into the pool because I knew that was the only thing that would be relieving for the back labour & my legs at this point were already tired from standing through the surges.

(I kind of love this photo. Jonathan supporting me. Basically it was like this the whole time I was in the pool. An image of our pregnant Blessed Mother. The kid's messy play kitchen behind us. A photo of my mom & dad on their wedding day. A dying plant on the shelf. A messy - beautiful life!) <3 

Labour intensified quickly & I felt very "pushy" soon. This was hard because I wasn't dilated enough to actually "push". I then got stuck for quite some time. Not able to really change positions & crying because I just wasn't feeling ready for another surge in my back. That back labour is just not cool, amiright? I figured that if I'm crying like this I must be in transition & getting close, but I was still stuck. Water still hadn't broken, & no progression. The second midwife Debbie showed up at some point as well & they had me move my hips a bit to try & move the baby's positioning & while that was so hard to do, it worked & soon after my water broke! (Hooray, but also... you know what's coming once that cushion of water is gone). Ros announced that the water was super vernixy & she hadn't seen water that vernixy before.

Soon, I was pushing! When his head was born Ros announced that there's tons of hair waving around in the water. I again, wasn't surprised because I knew this baby would have a head of dark hair. Then all of a sudden Ros said to me "catch your baby Liz!" I didn't realize that I would get to catch my baby, so it didn't register right away what she was saying. She said again, "grab your baby Liz!" So I reached down & pulled up out of the water, our sweet boy. I felt for so long like I was stuck & I didn't realize that I was at that point of catching my baby, so I was shocked but what an incredible moment in my life... I got to catch my baby boy & bring him up out of the water into my arms. It was a beautiful surprise as well because I didn't think I would get to catch my baby! I held him briefly, then showed Jonathan so he could see what we had. I knew it was my Joseph from my dream, but Jonathan got to check & see that yes, indeed, it was our son. Putting him back on my chest, the tears came. After three hours of back labour, our son Joseph Stephen arrived in the waters on his due date: December 31st, 2019 at 4:19AM. He was my smallest baby but not by much. 8 lbs, 5.5 oz & 20ish inches long. 

And ALL the dark fuzzy hair. He was so fuzzy.

After some time holding him & delivering the placenta, I handed him to Jonathan & got out of the pool to dry off & get into bed. After getting all checked & sorted out, I got to try nursing him & he started to nurse as if he had been nursing for the past 9 months. We couldn't believe how perfect he truly was. We officially decided he was for sure our Joseph Stephen & after nursing, Jonathan got some more skin to skin while I got to go shower. We all visited for some time, while the midwives tidied, did their paper work, did measurements & checked over the placenta. Ros discovered that the placenta was actually in the shape of a HEART which she also had never seen that before... so incredible.

After more time passed, the midwives left us to be alone with our son & Kelly & Carine left as well. Mona stayed up for sometime doing her magic in the Kitchen then she napped downstairs. The next day, our girls came back with their papa & got to meet their baby brother. I've never seen them smile so much, especially Olivia. She was SO proud to have her baby brother. My brother came by shortly after with his girls & they got to meet Joe as well. Mona during this time got some baby snuggles also while also prepping so much beautiful nourishing food & tea for me.
I felt like my mom was hugging me this whole time.

Words don't adequately describe how grateful I am for the support I've received but especially for a beautiful home water birth with no issues, for incredible midwives & for my family, especially for Mona & Bill. Each time I reflect on his birth I am brought to tears & I'm not sure that will change anytime soon. I'm eternally grateful for this joyful moment in my life where God gave me the gift of a THIRD baby earth side & a beautiful, safe & memorable home birth. Such a gift that I will always remember.
Our New Years Eve's will now always hold so much more joy than ever before.

Joseph Stephen Roth
12-31-19
8lbs 5.5 oz

Joseph Stephen - The boy of my dreams

Joseph Stephen

- boy of my dreams -

It all started around this time last year. In short I was not well. I was suffering from anxiety & panic attacks. Depression was lifting but still there. It took everything to get out of bed each morning. Sudden weight gain & just complete adrenal fatigue was my existence for most of that year. I was very much in a dark place. Also dreading turning 30, wishing I felt like me. Feeling like I failed at so many things because I wasn't where I thought I would be.

My sweet, generous husband was just starting Exodus 90 (an intense but fruitful spiritual exercise for men) & before he started he told me he was offering up his whole Exodus 90 for me & my health. Tears flowing as I write this, because I don't know what I did to ever deserve this incredible man. Throughout those 90 days, he fasted, prayed & sacrificed for me. He stayed up at night praying over me as I would have anxiety attacks & would put SAINT JOSEPH oil on my back as we waited for the attack to go away.

As we went through the 90 days, I was slowly feeling more & more like myself, but still felt like I was in a dark place. Still having attacks. Then one night, God gave me a gift. He gave me this dream & I will remember it forever. I know dreams don't always mean something, but I know this dream meant something. God was showing me the hope that was to come that I could hold onto & the gift of a baby boy that would bring ME new life.

I dreamt I was in labour, about to give birth. The midwife wasn't there yet because I hadn't called yet & Jonathan was on his way. I was in an empty bathtub & there with me beside the bathtub, was my MOM. I felt very calm because my mom was there. I soon gave birth & my mom caught the baby. A perfect, perfect baby.

As I was staring at this sweet light from Heaven, my mom says:

"Liz! It's your boy!"

To which I replied:

"I have a boy?! It's my Joseph!"

(He looked like this in my dream - minus the pjs)

His skin, face & everything about him just looked completely perfect & I remember waking up FEELING like I knew him & crying. I will remember his face in my dream always. His skin was like his dad's & he had tons of dark hair like Olivia did. We had always been talking about when we might try to have another baby, but because of my health I had been saying all this time that ideally, I needed more time, maybe in the fall.

As my birthday started approaching, the fog was truly lifting & I was starting to feel even more like me. Then my BFF decided to fly to Saskatoon & surprise me for a 30th birthday weekend celebration. All my friends (& hubby!) were in on it & I'm crying again as I type this. I didn't know what to think when I saw Abbey show up at my house! It was such a healing weekend for me. I had been so wrapped up in my own sufferings & feeling so low about who I was, feeling alone because people couldn't SEE my struggle. Other old wounds were brought to the surface & this weekend with my friends brought forth truth & healing into those dark parts of me.

Shortly after that weekend, Jonathan & I had discussed some more about how much better I was doing & that if we did get pregnant now it wouldn't be ideal just yet, but that we were open to it. And because of that surprise weekend, it did some fun things with my cycle.
(#NFP - if you know, you know).

---

Well, God gave me another dream the day before Easter Weekend. I dreamt that I woke up & took a positive pregnancy test. So, of course I woke up early that morning (HOLY THURSDAY) & figured I should go ahead & take one... sure enough. Two lines! 

(The line is faint but there!)

Complete joy took over, but also shock! It was a miracle & sort of surprise because I had needed progesterone to get pregnant both times before & this time, when I didn't even feel my healthiest, I got pregnant, without progesterone! I knew then that my dream would become reality & that God was going to take care of everything. He had given me this gift of KNOWING who I was carrying in my womb. The gift of seeing his perfect beautiful face & that dream carried me through. Anytime I started to worry, I just remembered the boy of my dreams & I was reassured.

God is in the details.

- Birth Story to come in another post -

maternity

Long time since I last did a blog entry. Our life has seen a lot of ups & downs these past few months, but mostly downs. While I find myself loving watching my baby girl grow up every day, we're also in the throws of grieving the passing of my husband's mom. I find I'm not able to do much, but what I am able to do is take pictures. Taking pictures seems to give me a bit of an escape & while my work is pretty beginner level, it's still enjoyable for me to capture beauty in this small way.

With that being said, it's good Carine & I finally got around to getting her maternity photos done when we did, because her little Benedict (my Godson!) came 3.5 weeks early!! He's such a blessing & a strong little fighter! I can't wait to get over this darn cold though so I can hold him!

So, welcome to the world Benedict! Here is your beautiful mama looking as amazing as ever. And your dad joined in on the fun too. :) Thank you Carine & Jared for letting me take these photos, I'm grateful for your time & patience.

Olivia Agnes

Olivia Agnes - Born November 1st, 2015

We did it!! Our little girl joined the world on Sunday November 1st! Yes, I'm only now getting around to writing about her birth. (10 weeks after the fact). They really don't prepare you for the post partum world of learning how to breastfeed, long sleepless nights, accidental co-sleeping because your babe doesn't like to be put down or sleep alone (understandably), and the physical pain your body goes through after being in labour and pushing a baby out.

But, I'll share the story now while I can still remember it. 

This was the last picture I took at 40 weeks pregnant. So there's my final "bump date" for you.

At this point, I was basically living in pi's... and yup, I care not.

October 31st as we were heading to bed around 1am, I noticed my braxton hicks were hurting a lot more and were possibly the early stages of labour. I started timing them over an hour just to see how far apart they were... 5-8 minutes and increasing in intensity. At the end of the hour, they were 4-5 minutes apart and quite painful, so we called the midwife at 2am. By the time she arrived at 2:30am, they were 2-3 minutes apart and I was almost 3cm dilated... no longer wearing pants. Since things were progressing so quickly, the midwife decided to stay. (THANK GOODNESS). I was much more prepared for labour to start out slower and last longer, so when things didn't go that way, it was a bit of a shock. Chantel (amazing midwife) was so calm, reassuring & helped me the whole 12 hours. I'm so grateful for her.

After 4 hours of back labour, demanding the huz turn the AC on, then; "NO! OFF!",  the pool was ready and I basically lived in there the rest of labour, which of course resulted in one wrinkly momma. If only I was a mermaid, right?

At 9:35am my water finally broke! Yay! And then.... 3 contractions right on top of one another. . . . and no one prepares you for that experience. Double peak mode had commenced & it suuuuccckkkeedd. (all my Creighton friends I'm sure can giggle at that). And I thought I was in pain before.

Then I vomited.

The rest of labour was extremely intense with many contractions on top of each other with very few breaks. Each contraction generally lasted about 45 seconds to 1 minute. When the midwife checked things out again, it looked like I was about 5-6 cm, however already feeling the need to push, which is such a crazy sensation. It took every ounce of strength I had to not actively push... this lasted a good 2 hours. I believe this point in time is dubbed "transition", however, I think "hell" would better describe this phase.

Not much time goes by, and by 12pm I'm about 8cm when Ros (second midwife) arrived. When Ros arrived, my husband tells me that she walked in the door, and said "things are looking great in here!!" (this is the time I was roaring like a lion still fighting the need to push with every contraction). I recall gripping onto my poor husband's fingers for the final hours, asking for water & whimpering before another contraction would start: "noooo... I'm not ready".  I'm not too sure there was an exact moment where I started actively pushing, I just know I pushed for about 1 hour until Olivia was born. "Push where it hurts" they said. To which I replied "that's a terrible idea", while obeying their orders anyway. I'm proud to say I didn't drop the F-Bomb once. I do remember thinking a C-section would be nice right about now.


Once her head was born, Chantel had to use her 'midwife voice' and told me to "get out of the pool now!"... so I did... I hobbled out of the pool somehow...

. . .

with her head already born.

. . .

I'm not going to attempt to describe that scene.



Her shoulders had gotten a little bit stuck, so Chantel needed me to get out of the pool right away, because they needed her out ASAP. Also, the movement of me getting out of the pool & changing positions a bit usually helps get baby unstuck!


About two big pushes later, she was here!

Blue faced beauty with tons of dark hair. (which I predicted!) While Chantel suctioned mucus out of her mouth, Ros & I were wiping her down encouraging her to breathe. Shortly after, she was breathing & crying a little bit! It didn't take her long to pink up & Chantel didn't need to give her any oxygen! Yay!

I had tears of joy & relief at this point as I held her to my chest & we decided she was our Olivia Agnes. (named after Saint Olivia & Saint Agnes). My hands & arms were numb from labour, it hurt to move & I was exhausted, but she had finally arrived & she was perfect. So perfect.

39 weeks

side note - I'm just going to point out that I'm wearing shorts & sandals at the end of October!! 

In case you hadn't noticed. ;)

Ahhh.... still pregnant. Yup. T'is the eve of 40 weeks & babe just seems to be all nice & cozy. Not surprising at it is our first & it's very normal to go overdue. He/she will come when he/she is ready & I'm just going to try & soak it all up as much as I can. Obviously he/she is also not too concerned that we just finished our bathroom renovation in time for him/her to get here. Priorities, right? Baby Roth must just have more important things to do, like get fatter.

Still sunny side up? You bet.
Midwife appointment tomorrow? Yup.
Will I cry? Yes, probably.

I'll keep this short & sweet because I've got to go eat some more pineapple, drink some more raspberry leaf tea & bounce on my exercise ball.
Wish me luck! And hopefully this will be your last, or well... I suppose second last bump date!

Cheers to that!
(And yes, my fridge is fully stocked with liquor, so eventually I can cheers along side with y'all).

38 weeks

Don't worry my friends, I didn't forget about your weekly bump date. We've just been a little bit pre-occupied with getting this bathroom renovation done. In addition to that, my husband's wonderful grandpa passed away over the weekend, so that obviously took precedence. 

This little baby is still apparently very comfy in his/her current living quarters even though my midwife tells me it's looking a little tight in there. Probably doesn't help that he/she is doing the splits and has a foot on either side of my tummy. I think we may have a little cheeky monkey on our hands. While everything is looking really good, we have also recently discovered that he/she is sunny side up right now. I love the sunshine so much, so it seems very fitting this little coconut does too. We'll see what that brings, but for the next while, you'll see me hanging out on all fours and leaning forward... maybe gravity will do the trick. Any other turning tips are welcome! (I should mention for some who maybe think I mean baby is breach... baby Roth is NOT breach! Baby is head down, very low... just facing the wrong way is all).

I will be blogging about our lovely bathroom renovation, I'm sure sometime in the near future, unless of course this baby decides to come early, so we shall see what the very near future holds! Pray for us!

37 weeks

Well, let me tell you. If you're want the final weeks of pregnancy to fly by... then do some renovations to your house instead of nesting. It's a fool proof way to keep you on your toes... especially when planning a home birth. Speaking of feet... mine have now been perma-swollen & looking lovely since a few days ago. (Don't worry my blood pressure is excellent). This is the result of over doing things a little bit, and all the walking around at Lowes & Home Depot in the past week. I'm down to the second last notch on my birkenstocks straps... 3 notches from what they're normally strapped at.

I think Baby Roth will be quite long, which is not surprising as I was also long when I was born. Even though the head is currently sitting super low (so low my midwife can barely wobble it anymore),  he/she still manages to get his/her toes right up in my ribs quite often. He/she also seems to thoroughly enjoy when hubby is driving his car, and will roll from side to side of my tummy the whole drive.

Now as my chiropractor said... could be only 3 weeks left.... could be 5. I'm really just hoping for only 3 more weeks, but we shall see. In the mean time I really just feel like a crazy person for starting bathroom reno's at this point, but I know we will appreciate having a freshly redone bathroom when baby is here that we can enjoy. And then no more renovations for awhile. :) It really is so crazy to think we've made it full term! This little one could come at any moment & the thought of that is so beyond exciting I can't even explain it in words. To think that soon we'll be snuggling with our little blessing is just... sometimes too hard to even think about, knowing how he/she is going to break open our hearts & fill us with insane amounts of joy... we couldn't be happier.

Lovely grainy-last minute-before the sun went down-37 week photos for you... hubby stopped his work to help me take these... so no complaining from me. :)

36 weeks

The long awaited 36 weeks bump date. Why so long awaited? Well... because life is crazy, bathroom reno is in full swing (all the gold stars going out to the huz right now) and well... I've had zero energy.

I have managed somehow though to make some freezer meals, bake, clean/organize & shop for the final items we need. I think though I'm at a point where the rest of my shopping will take place online. I'm also at this place where grocery shopping really overwhelms me. To the point where I need a few days to get mentally prepared for a grocery shopping trip. I can only imagine the glory days when I get to do this with multiple children in tow. Should make for some grand adventures I'm sure.

I also now have this fear of my water breaking right in the middle of somewhere public... like at Mass on Sundays, or at a store. I know it's happened before to other women & that they survive just fine, but I'm not sure I'd survive. I am probably being little dramatic about this, but I care not. Hear me roar.

Week 36 has been pretty nerve wracking though, to be honest. Wanting so badly to meet this baby, but also wanting so badly to make it to full term so that we can A. birth at home and B. so this little one has more time to grow & develop. Obviously the latter far outweighs any birthing plan we might have (which at this point, looks a lot like "winging it") in regards to importance. If we have to go to the hospital, I'm all game. And by "winging it", I don't mean the midwives are winging it, because they are most certainly, NOT winging it. I mean I'M winging it & just going with whatever comes our way. And by that, I don't mean I have done zero research or preparing... trust me, I've researched a ton & feel most comfortable with our decision to have a home birth. I really just mean that, I don't have every little detail planned out, because things could change & I don't want to get disappointed if something doesn't go exactly as I had planned... so ya... big time planner over here. ;)

But nonetheless, I'm glad to see week 36 come & go! This babe is still measuring right on track & his/her head has not moved out of my pelvis this WHOLE time. I'm not complaining because it means our baby isn't breach, but it does throw some good challenges your way. Like, when you have to bend over. Also, it ensures you're peeing every 15 minutes. So, yay for a full term little coconut who knows what's up. You can come anytime now, but your dad would prefer you wait a little bit longer so he can get the bathroom reno done.

Mid fixing hair, self timer iPhone photo for you lovelies, because 

hubby is on strike from photo taking.

There we go... got my act together. PS - we did NOT build that fence.

Ciao!!
XO

35 weeks

It really feels like Autumn is in full force over here! The weather has been wonderful & we really can't complain one bit. It's odd though, because in Saskatchewan you can have plus 28 degrees in the day time, but be freezing in the mornings & can expect frost at any time.. while still getting by wearing shorts & sandals. (again, no complaints over here). Although I have yet to get one of those beautiful fall Starbucks cups everyone keeps instagramming... is Saskatchewan behind on the times?

I'm sure you're probably wondering at this point why haven't we given you a nursery room tour. Well, that's because it's no where near ready. It's full of my husband's tools to work on reno's & is basically one big disaster zone. My goal this week: clean out the nursery. You might also be wondering what on earth could possibly be keeping y'all this busy? Time to relax right? Well... apparently we figured it would be a good idea to:

1. Finish our living room baseboards, trim, painting, etc.
2. Install a new door
3. Rewire in a new panel (courtesy of my husband's awesome cousin)
4. Install new fan & renovate basement bathroom
5. Paint touch ups in basement

....

6. Completely demolish & renovate upstairs bathroom... which we have yet to start. Points though for having new floor & tub tile all ready to go though, right?

Once we're done all the "pre-baby-hussle" though, I'll maybe share all our completed projects with you, my dear e-friends. Probably around week 41 or 42 if I'm still pregnant & trying to not think about the fact that I'm still pregnant. We shall see where the wind takes us.


In baby news... all is well. I did however get majorly sick this week with a stomach virus which made for a very scary & long night of practice labour & throwing up. Thankfully that is over, and we're back to braxton-hicks town over here again, so nothing new really. I do feel like my belly hasn't really gotten much bigger in the past week, but this baby has sure figured out how to stretch his/her legs. I'm actually surprised it's taken this long for the little one to find my ribs honestly as I don't have a long torso, but I'll take it. So, with that little update, here you are! 35 weeks... 2 more weeks then we're full term baby!!

ps - has my belly dropped??